![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I am confidence and insecurity.
Sep. 30th, 2006 12:17 amHigh heels, a short skirt, lipstick, the right perfume. They're all the things that we--girls, women--are told will make men gravitate to us and actually pay attention to us. It's like hunting. Wear this dress, these shoes, and then they'll stop at attention and suddenly, everything makes sense.
But then you have those girls.
The only example I have of this is Christy--who was pretty enough on her own to garner attention. The girls who don't have to doll themselves up and can still have guys checking them out. There's the ones who are "one of the boys" and somehow infiltirate Boy Territory and by being the token female, somehow can get them interested. There's the girls who could wear jeans and a t-shirt or the skankiest of skankwear or anything, really, who'd have the people they want pay attention to them just because of who they are.
I don't bother with appearances half the time. I mean, I make myself presentable and comb and sometimes style my hair, I'll brush my teeth and look inoffensive, but I don't wear skirts except to church or crucial social functions. I own at least five pairs of heels, and I wear at least two pairs regularly. I have a plethora of sneakers, and most of the people who know me now have never seen me in a skirt. I rarely willingly expose any kind of cleavage, and while I like mentally admiring heels and dresses, I'd rather put on a cool pair of jeans and a witty t-shirt and go on my merry way.
My mom's suggested makeup and dressing more "girlie" (my word, not hers), but for some reason, to me, that seems so superficial. I'm not a slob. I just feel that if The Perfect Guy (or the Semi-Perfect Guy) comes along and sees me glammed out, he'll get his hopes up, and if not, I'll just feel really fake about him possibly being attracted to me dressed up, because I'm not usually that way and I'd be somehow giving him the wrong idea about me. I want to be that girl who can wear jeans and still have someone rhapsodize about it. And well, so far? Not working.
So I'm thinking. Should I try it? Actually wake up a little earlier and wear makeup and maybe throw in a skirt here or there? Do I need to do this? Otherwise, I'm just background dressing. Otherwise, I'm just that girl who's too scared to say anything, or the one who sits near the front in class who's this font of knowledge, and can blurt out answers like no tomorrow. I'm not undermining intelligence or saying that every guy looks down on smart girls, it's just--what am I doing wrong here? Do I have to be the girl who has to scream to the world "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" by dressing up, or do I have to work at the whole casual "pay attention to me!" part by pretending that I don't care?
To conclude: I always hate that whenever I feel like I'm looking my best, or at least wearing a cool outfit, no one seems to notice, but when I'm at my worst (hair looking crappy, stopping at a store after getting off work wearing my grimy work shirt and smelling like cardboard), that's when random annoying guys decide to hit on me.
But then you have those girls.
The only example I have of this is Christy--who was pretty enough on her own to garner attention. The girls who don't have to doll themselves up and can still have guys checking them out. There's the ones who are "one of the boys" and somehow infiltirate Boy Territory and by being the token female, somehow can get them interested. There's the girls who could wear jeans and a t-shirt or the skankiest of skankwear or anything, really, who'd have the people they want pay attention to them just because of who they are.
I don't bother with appearances half the time. I mean, I make myself presentable and comb and sometimes style my hair, I'll brush my teeth and look inoffensive, but I don't wear skirts except to church or crucial social functions. I own at least five pairs of heels, and I wear at least two pairs regularly. I have a plethora of sneakers, and most of the people who know me now have never seen me in a skirt. I rarely willingly expose any kind of cleavage, and while I like mentally admiring heels and dresses, I'd rather put on a cool pair of jeans and a witty t-shirt and go on my merry way.
My mom's suggested makeup and dressing more "girlie" (my word, not hers), but for some reason, to me, that seems so superficial. I'm not a slob. I just feel that if The Perfect Guy (or the Semi-Perfect Guy) comes along and sees me glammed out, he'll get his hopes up, and if not, I'll just feel really fake about him possibly being attracted to me dressed up, because I'm not usually that way and I'd be somehow giving him the wrong idea about me. I want to be that girl who can wear jeans and still have someone rhapsodize about it. And well, so far? Not working.
So I'm thinking. Should I try it? Actually wake up a little earlier and wear makeup and maybe throw in a skirt here or there? Do I need to do this? Otherwise, I'm just background dressing. Otherwise, I'm just that girl who's too scared to say anything, or the one who sits near the front in class who's this font of knowledge, and can blurt out answers like no tomorrow. I'm not undermining intelligence or saying that every guy looks down on smart girls, it's just--what am I doing wrong here? Do I have to be the girl who has to scream to the world "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" by dressing up, or do I have to work at the whole casual "pay attention to me!" part by pretending that I don't care?
To conclude: I always hate that whenever I feel like I'm looking my best, or at least wearing a cool outfit, no one seems to notice, but when I'm at my worst (hair looking crappy, stopping at a store after getting off work wearing my grimy work shirt and smelling like cardboard), that's when random annoying guys decide to hit on me.
