![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enamouredI have the latest Entertainment Weekly, which has the "American Pop Culture Test" in it. It's all about the '90s. I just got done taking it, and I scored a 59 on it. Pretty decent. Most of the questions I got right dealt with 1995-1999, though, but that's what being under the age of ten for the first half of the decade does to you. They neglected to mention Home Improvement, Full House, and other good bits of '90s cheese in there, though.
Last night I was on IM, and Ashley from journalism IM'ed me. She told me that I needed to stay away from Alex and Rene because someone was upset at me being around them. I'm kind of touchy with both guys, but jokingly so. That's just how I am around guys. I especially am towards Alex, who I JUST found out is dating Kelsey, who's in class with us. I honestly didn't know, and I was being super flirty towards him, and I feel awful. But Ashley says someone's mad at me for being around them so much, and they boys are avoiding me, and I need to not talk to them and so on. I'm really mad and annoyed by this, because hello, I am not flinging myself at the guys. Everything I do that's directed towards them is completely non-flirtatious at all. So whoever this mystery person is (Ashley didn't tell me who is upset with me), she's being a really big bitch right now. And I wish that whoever she is, she'd actually TELL me what her beef with me is, because I am not one to break up a relationship. (On that note, I doubt it's Kelsey. At least, I HOPE it's not her, because she's really nice and I'd hate for her to think I'm trying to break her and Alex up.)
To add to me being upset about that, this afternoon my dad basically told me that I need to reconsider going to Elon, because we can't afford it. This totally upset me. I mean, we're middle class. We have enough money to have a fairly new PC, satellite TV, three DVD players—two of which are DVD/VCR combos—plus a Playstation 2, four stereo systems and so on. But at the same time, we don't have enough money to afford tuition at Elon. We don't have enough money for me to be like the other girls, who go out and buy at least one new outfit a week, and we don't have enough for me to get a car, though my mom's working far too hard to get me one. My parents make too much money for me to get significant financial aid, but I can't afford to go to a school that's not out of state or doesn't offer me financial aid, like U Louisiana. Sometimes I get incredibly upset when things like this happen, and I'm like, "God, we are SO broke." I know we have money, but... it's like, whenever I want something really badly, I can't get it. I want nice new clothes, but I can't get them because of the lack of money. I want a DVD player of my own, but I can't get one. I'm really lucky and fortunate to have the stuff I do have now, and I know that, and I feel bad for wanting more stuff, but at the same time, I don't have enough to get what I'd really like.
My dad's idea to "comfort" me was to drop me off and Barnes and Noble with a $20. That's the only thing about being a bookaholic: things like this make you happy. But then I go in, and there's no fewer than ten books I want, and I can't buy them because most of them are in hardback, and they're expensive. A few I want are in paperback, but it's the really big ones that I want are in hardback. Then I think about that $20 in my pocket, and it's like I realize all over again that I have enough to get something (in this case, Entertainment Weekly and the second A-List book), but I don't have enough to get what I really want.
I feel like such a brat saying all of this, but really, it's how I feel.
Last night I was on IM, and Ashley from journalism IM'ed me. She told me that I needed to stay away from Alex and Rene because someone was upset at me being around them. I'm kind of touchy with both guys, but jokingly so. That's just how I am around guys. I especially am towards Alex, who I JUST found out is dating Kelsey, who's in class with us. I honestly didn't know, and I was being super flirty towards him, and I feel awful. But Ashley says someone's mad at me for being around them so much, and they boys are avoiding me, and I need to not talk to them and so on. I'm really mad and annoyed by this, because hello, I am not flinging myself at the guys. Everything I do that's directed towards them is completely non-flirtatious at all. So whoever this mystery person is (Ashley didn't tell me who is upset with me), she's being a really big bitch right now. And I wish that whoever she is, she'd actually TELL me what her beef with me is, because I am not one to break up a relationship. (On that note, I doubt it's Kelsey. At least, I HOPE it's not her, because she's really nice and I'd hate for her to think I'm trying to break her and Alex up.)
To add to me being upset about that, this afternoon my dad basically told me that I need to reconsider going to Elon, because we can't afford it. This totally upset me. I mean, we're middle class. We have enough money to have a fairly new PC, satellite TV, three DVD players—two of which are DVD/VCR combos—plus a Playstation 2, four stereo systems and so on. But at the same time, we don't have enough money to afford tuition at Elon. We don't have enough money for me to be like the other girls, who go out and buy at least one new outfit a week, and we don't have enough for me to get a car, though my mom's working far too hard to get me one. My parents make too much money for me to get significant financial aid, but I can't afford to go to a school that's not out of state or doesn't offer me financial aid, like U Louisiana. Sometimes I get incredibly upset when things like this happen, and I'm like, "God, we are SO broke." I know we have money, but... it's like, whenever I want something really badly, I can't get it. I want nice new clothes, but I can't get them because of the lack of money. I want a DVD player of my own, but I can't get one. I'm really lucky and fortunate to have the stuff I do have now, and I know that, and I feel bad for wanting more stuff, but at the same time, I don't have enough to get what I'd really like.
My dad's idea to "comfort" me was to drop me off and Barnes and Noble with a $20. That's the only thing about being a bookaholic: things like this make you happy. But then I go in, and there's no fewer than ten books I want, and I can't buy them because most of them are in hardback, and they're expensive. A few I want are in paperback, but it's the really big ones that I want are in hardback. Then I think about that $20 in my pocket, and it's like I realize all over again that I have enough to get something (in this case, Entertainment Weekly and the second A-List book), but I don't have enough to get what I really want.
I feel like such a brat saying all of this, but really, it's how I feel.
