some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck.

[enamoured]

I'm having one of those nights when I want to turn off whatever it is in my head that makes me scared to approach guys I'm attracted to, the thing that makes me terrified of physical intimacy without emotional intimacy first, the thing that is keeping me from having any kind of experience with the opposite sex.

And every year, I worry more and more that I'll never break past the insecurity and uncertainty and fear and I'll never know what it's like. And I'll just get more and more angry with myself and with everyone else, especially people who are quick on the you don't need a relationship draw.

I don't care that I don't need one. I want one and have wanted one for years now. Shouldn't that count for something?

Comments

[library-of-sex.livejournal.com]

I think I hacked into your account and wrote this entry. It sounds like the same shit that's been festering in my mind for years, esp. now that there's a guy that I have such majorly difficult feelings for. Sorry that you're living with the same fear and insecurity, babe. *hugs*