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enamouredThis would be one of those "thinky"/"self-reflective" entries.
Journaling, for me, is partially about capturing things that are occuring in my life at the moment so I can recall them later and also about release and saying most of the things that are going on in my head that I don't want to say aloud, because I'm too scared or it doesn't make sense spoken. Part of the reason why I can remember random things from my childhood and school years is because I wrote about them. Granted, the details may be fuzzy but I can remember things that most people wouldn't.
The thing is, I rarely have epiphanies about myself when I'm writing. Those little flashes in which I realize something about myself--like the fact that I regret not really getting to know my paternal grandmother before she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and before she died, or the fact that I really am more like my mom than I ever realized--tend to happen at random moments. Only since I started writing pretty much everyday for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
embodiment did I really start to come to realizations when I'm writing everything down. I'll have been thinking about something and then when I get the chance to write, it hits me. It happened last year once or twice, and it's happened again this year. After my Moment of Dumbassery the week before last, I wrote this:
And after that, I had my monthly moment of "oh God, I am really messed up".
Does anyone else have personal epiphany moments like that? Where something happens and it knocks you on your knees and you're like, "well, that explains everything" or "Oh crap"?
Journaling, for me, is partially about capturing things that are occuring in my life at the moment so I can recall them later and also about release and saying most of the things that are going on in my head that I don't want to say aloud, because I'm too scared or it doesn't make sense spoken. Part of the reason why I can remember random things from my childhood and school years is because I wrote about them. Granted, the details may be fuzzy but I can remember things that most people wouldn't.
The thing is, I rarely have epiphanies about myself when I'm writing. Those little flashes in which I realize something about myself--like the fact that I regret not really getting to know my paternal grandmother before she was diagnosed with Alzheimers and before she died, or the fact that I really am more like my mom than I ever realized--tend to happen at random moments. Only since I started writing pretty much everyday for
embodiment did I really start to come to realizations when I'm writing everything down. I'll have been thinking about something and then when I get the chance to write, it hits me. It happened last year once or twice, and it's happened again this year. After my Moment of Dumbassery the week before last, I wrote this:Chris: One should not put his or her worth into the hands of someone else. Your self-worth should not be determined by anyone but you. Yet time and time again I base my own on how whatever guy I'm into at the moment reacts to me. My failures with men make me feel like less of a woman.
There. I've finally admitted that to myself.
...
And it goes back to my theory. Girls like me always believe that we are going to be The One. We always offer clever commentary and say only the most slightly suggestive things, and we take the compliments because we want to believe that he is starting to see that we are the ones they really want. I, and the girls like me, believe that we will be the ones who will make guys change their minds. That for once... brains and genuinely being interested will win over being pretty and willing.
And after that, I had my monthly moment of "oh God, I am really messed up".
Does anyone else have personal epiphany moments like that? Where something happens and it knocks you on your knees and you're like, "well, that explains everything" or "Oh crap"?
