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enamouredWhen I woke up around 8 this morning, I ended up answering a call from my grandma. Apparently she calls my mom to make sure that she doesn't oversleep--my mom is heavy sleeper, so you have to wake her up a couple of times and all. At any rate, I am convinced that this call explains the setting of one of the dreams I had after I went back to bed.
I was at my grandma's house with my family, and for some reason Chris Pine was there too. Like, just lurking around and whatever. I was hanging out with him in the kitchen, sitting at the table while my dad and my cousin were doing something and Chris was leaning all over me and smiling goofily like he was drunk. I was propping him up or something and then he kissed me and it was horrible.
I don't know about you, but when I kiss people in dreams most of the time it's all movie perfect and shit. This one, well... there was slobber. Like, overly friendly St. Bernard slobber. All I remember thinking was A.) Oh my God, spit, so much spit and B.) He needs to stop doing this because Dad and Bryan (the cousin) will kill him. Eventually he stopped and I ran to the kitchen sink to rinse my mouth out.
Eventually we went outside. I was pacing up and down the driveway, thinking about how that had been my first kiss and it was sloppy and messy and I didn't know if it was my fault or Pine's. I was also thinking that I'd made out with Captain Kirk, but yeah, whatever. Chris came up to me and said something about, "You want to tell me what that was all about?" and I told him to go on the porch and I'd explain.
When I managed to get myself together, I went onto the porch and I started to tell him about how, when my brother and I were kids, we would sit on the porch and do our homework, or play, and how we would go to the park behind the house and stuff. Then I explained to him that I hadn't kissed anyone until that moment, and he remarked, "So that explains why it felt a little bit like my senior prom." (I don't know why but I found that to be hilarious.) And I think we were going to try to have a second go at the kissing business but some of my grandma's neighbors came by and started talking us to death.
So there's that. Then when I was driving to class, I was at a stop light and someone honked their horn. When I looked to my right, there was a huge pickup trucks. The guy in the driver's seat leaned back and pointed to his friend on the passenger side. Said friend had a scraggly goatee and gold teeth, and when he smiled at me I felt the deep and overwhelming urge to dry heave.
So between terrible makeout dreams with starship captains, creepy dudes trying to mack on me while I'm driving, the fact that I have a Stupid McStupid crush on this dude I have two classes with that is undoubtedly not going to go anywhere, and the fact that I am reaching the point in which I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE and am mad as hell that I am less than two months shy of pretty much ensuring that I am going to be Forever Alone, I am all kinds of vexed and annoyed right now. Am I really so abhorrent that I'm bound to forever be creeper bait? Why the hell can't a guy who is not unappealing, a guy who I find attractive actually pay attention to me?
Damn.
I was at my grandma's house with my family, and for some reason Chris Pine was there too. Like, just lurking around and whatever. I was hanging out with him in the kitchen, sitting at the table while my dad and my cousin were doing something and Chris was leaning all over me and smiling goofily like he was drunk. I was propping him up or something and then he kissed me and it was horrible.
I don't know about you, but when I kiss people in dreams most of the time it's all movie perfect and shit. This one, well... there was slobber. Like, overly friendly St. Bernard slobber. All I remember thinking was A.) Oh my God, spit, so much spit and B.) He needs to stop doing this because Dad and Bryan (the cousin) will kill him. Eventually he stopped and I ran to the kitchen sink to rinse my mouth out.
Eventually we went outside. I was pacing up and down the driveway, thinking about how that had been my first kiss and it was sloppy and messy and I didn't know if it was my fault or Pine's. I was also thinking that I'd made out with Captain Kirk, but yeah, whatever. Chris came up to me and said something about, "You want to tell me what that was all about?" and I told him to go on the porch and I'd explain.
When I managed to get myself together, I went onto the porch and I started to tell him about how, when my brother and I were kids, we would sit on the porch and do our homework, or play, and how we would go to the park behind the house and stuff. Then I explained to him that I hadn't kissed anyone until that moment, and he remarked, "So that explains why it felt a little bit like my senior prom." (I don't know why but I found that to be hilarious.) And I think we were going to try to have a second go at the kissing business but some of my grandma's neighbors came by and started talking us to death.
So there's that. Then when I was driving to class, I was at a stop light and someone honked their horn. When I looked to my right, there was a huge pickup trucks. The guy in the driver's seat leaned back and pointed to his friend on the passenger side. Said friend had a scraggly goatee and gold teeth, and when he smiled at me I felt the deep and overwhelming urge to dry heave.
So between terrible makeout dreams with starship captains, creepy dudes trying to mack on me while I'm driving, the fact that I have a Stupid McStupid crush on this dude I have two classes with that is undoubtedly not going to go anywhere, and the fact that I am reaching the point in which I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE and am mad as hell that I am less than two months shy of pretty much ensuring that I am going to be Forever Alone, I am all kinds of vexed and annoyed right now. Am I really so abhorrent that I'm bound to forever be creeper bait? Why the hell can't a guy who is not unappealing, a guy who I find attractive actually pay attention to me?
Damn.
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Date: 2011-10-14 03:18 am (UTC)What changed? I'm not sure, but I think it had something to do with this: one day in one of my major classes I wore a dress, and a guy I didn't know too well but thought was cute told me I looked pretty (or nice or looked good or something like that). Well, I got all starry-eyed and started to fall, only to find out a day or two later that he had a serious girlfriend. Usually the result would be me getting depressed, yearning for him and hoping they broke up.
But for some reason, instead of doing that this time, we became friends (maybe it was because he was just a really friendly person). Because he had a girlfriend, I knew he wasn't interested in me and all of the pressure and nervousness of worrying about whether he liked me went away. We formed a study group and I got to know some more guys (who also had girlfriends) and found that I acted a lot less crazy around them when I wasn't trying so hard. Eventually I made friends with a guy who didn't have a girlfriend and, after I started getting the idea that maybe he actually liked me, then the awkward flirting began. Turns out it works a whole lot better when the other person is flirting back!
So what I'm saying is that, for me, what helped was discovering that I could be friends with guys without the worry of a relationship hanging over my head. I don't know if that's advice you can use, but like I said, our experiences do sound similar.
TV and movies make us think that there's something wrong with us if we don't do everything exactly the way everyone else does it. There was nothing wrong with me then, and there's nothing wrong with you now.