random crap before I go back to writing.

[enamoured]

Something that I posted on Tumblr a few weeks ago:

To thine own self be true.
Remember when there were metric tons of teen magazines that lined magazine racks? I was obsessed with them when I was twelve, thirteen, fourteen. Hell, I had a subscription to CosmoGirl until it went out of business—I'm not exactly proud of this fact, but what are you gonna do, you know?

Anyway. So I used to love those glossies. CG, Seventeen, Elle Girl, and YM. Every year, around fall YM always had a quiz issue, and from sixth grade up I would buy that issue and do every single quiz in it from cover to cover. I would always go pen in hand and circle my answers, tally up my points, and see what the results said.

If I picked all A's, it meant I was THIS kind of person. If my score was between 35 and 42, I should try THAT particular style.

I was so obsessed with personality quizzes that I used to try to write my own. I never did any of the ones that required point systems because my math was always off. I loved those things so much that my first few years online were probably largely spent taking a battery of personality tests on various quiz sites.

In retrospect I think I liked those quizzes so much and took them so seriously because I wanted to see if they would help me make sense of myself. If somehow I would gain insight into who I was and why I did what I did and if it really was okay for me to be who I was. I spent a lot of time in my preteen/teenage years trying to get comfortable with myself, to stop seeing myself as a failure and abnormal and a loser, and while all that happened I hoped that eventually someone would tell me that I was just as cool as I imagined myself to be...

And if that didn't happen, then maybe I would reach self-actualization in the form of "If you picked mostly C's, you are..."

In unrelated news: I think this guy is kind of cute, but on second glance his jawline and smile reminds me so much of John. So distracting. I am in this weird guy-related funk right now, and I hate it.

ON THE OTHER HAND: NaNo is upon us! I have almost 1200 words of The Awesome Adventures of Tomboy and Girlie Girl so far. I'm really starting to look forward to it. If anyone else out there is NaNoing, hook me up with your name on the site and I'll add you to my buddy list. I'm IsLikeaSong, just so you know.

Comments

NaNo

[craftycattery.livejournal.com]

Okay, so apparently I wasn't logged in when I tried to comment a minute ago, so how are you supposed to know who I am? Anyway, I'm Clockwise at NaNo and I've added you as a Buddy. :)