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enamouredSome of the S2 layouts are showing up REAAAALY screwy today. Dern it. I loathe it when my layout's messed up, especially when I want to change the colors.
I've been strangely AWOL as of late, and part of it's because I can be a moody little brat, and part of it's 'cause I've been too depressed to say anything about it. So, let's see, where do I start...
Hollywood Bowl auditions sucked. I got to hang out in the audition room some and take some pictures, and I got to see the judging process. The performer would say what they were doing, and then do their thing. Then Mr. Sangalli (StuCo sponsor) would give 'em a little bit of commentary about the act. ("I liked this, but you should try this..." and so on.) So when it came to be my turn, I was pretty much expectant of what to do.
Here's the thing. I was either going to do one of my songs, or "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole. And I really really really wanted to do my own song. So I (stupidly) decide to sing Where in Heaven. I sang it acappella and everything, 'cause I don't have music. And I think I did pretty good. Mr. Sangalli told me to stop, and he said exactly this to me:
"Nice. Thank you."
Nothing else. No "What made you write that?" or anything. Just a total, 110% dismissal. I just kind of nodded and took a few pictures, knowing in my gut that this meant I would not be making callbacks, never em effing MIND being on the stage performing in front of about 600 of my peers because Hollywood Bowl is the BIGGEST performance thing that is not solely 100% drama-kid dominated. And okay, how many other people were truly going to sing something they wrote? I just knew this was it for me.
So naturally, I bawled like a baby and wondered why the hell I'd considered doing my stupid little song; I just should've did "Unforgettable" just like I'd planned. Then I wondered what was wrong with me to not merit a response besides something so banal and passive as Mr. Sangalli's response was, which made me say to myself, God, I guess my voice and so-called songwriting really DOES suck after all. I told my mom about it, and she annoyingly said that Sangalli said what he did because of his race. (Mom: "Was he white?") Whatever, Mama.
Anyway, that's the big issue that's irked me the past couple of days. All I wanted was to be on that stupid freaking stage ONCE in the course of my high school career actually PERFORMING. I was on it during freshman class elections four years ago, when I ran for treasurer, but guess what, I lost that too.
I ended up breaking down and admitting how cheated I felt about this to my counselor when I was getting her to sign some scholarship stuff for me. I went on this rambly tirade about how all I want in my stupid life is to be acknowledged and not be perpetually seen as my brother's sister, and how I apparently suck at everything I like to do, so why the HECK can't the universe stop taunting me? (not in those exact words.) And we had a little talk about how society places too much emphasis on accomplishments, and too little on people who are just there and do kind things. All of that. It comforted me, even though I wanted to be cynical and I still want to accomplish something MAJOR in the course of my life and be actually respected and envied and all that on a large scale. It's shallow and stupid, but God, I want that. Just once.
And man, that was obnoxiously melodramatic. It's such bull when they tell you high school's the best years of your life. It sucks beaucoup ass.
I digress. It seems as if tons of people at school have Diaryland journals. Because I'm a nosy broad, I want to look them up and get into some of their potentially twisted, grammatically incorrect psyches. I really do not need another online journal, but I'm nosy and may cave eventually.
And is it humanly possible to lose fifty pounds in three months? I really need to be at least a size 12 before prom and a size 10 before I start college. If only I could get braces too, I'd really actually have something to work with and I wouldn't be en route to another solo V-Day...
Oh yeah. I checked my GJ and someone left me this stupid private message: "I love degrassi...butt.....MANNY all the way hun." A.) Don't call me "hun". You are not Paige Michalchuck, HUN. B.) I really could care less if you think Manny is cool. C.) Don't EVER private message me any more of your stupid, grammatically horrid crap again.
I am in a really bad mood.
I've been strangely AWOL as of late, and part of it's because I can be a moody little brat, and part of it's 'cause I've been too depressed to say anything about it. So, let's see, where do I start...
Hollywood Bowl auditions sucked. I got to hang out in the audition room some and take some pictures, and I got to see the judging process. The performer would say what they were doing, and then do their thing. Then Mr. Sangalli (StuCo sponsor) would give 'em a little bit of commentary about the act. ("I liked this, but you should try this..." and so on.) So when it came to be my turn, I was pretty much expectant of what to do.
Here's the thing. I was either going to do one of my songs, or "Unforgettable" by Natalie Cole. And I really really really wanted to do my own song. So I (stupidly) decide to sing Where in Heaven. I sang it acappella and everything, 'cause I don't have music. And I think I did pretty good. Mr. Sangalli told me to stop, and he said exactly this to me:
"Nice. Thank you."
Nothing else. No "What made you write that?" or anything. Just a total, 110% dismissal. I just kind of nodded and took a few pictures, knowing in my gut that this meant I would not be making callbacks, never em effing MIND being on the stage performing in front of about 600 of my peers because Hollywood Bowl is the BIGGEST performance thing that is not solely 100% drama-kid dominated. And okay, how many other people were truly going to sing something they wrote? I just knew this was it for me.
So naturally, I bawled like a baby and wondered why the hell I'd considered doing my stupid little song; I just should've did "Unforgettable" just like I'd planned. Then I wondered what was wrong with me to not merit a response besides something so banal and passive as Mr. Sangalli's response was, which made me say to myself, God, I guess my voice and so-called songwriting really DOES suck after all. I told my mom about it, and she annoyingly said that Sangalli said what he did because of his race. (Mom: "Was he white?") Whatever, Mama.
Anyway, that's the big issue that's irked me the past couple of days. All I wanted was to be on that stupid freaking stage ONCE in the course of my high school career actually PERFORMING. I was on it during freshman class elections four years ago, when I ran for treasurer, but guess what, I lost that too.
I ended up breaking down and admitting how cheated I felt about this to my counselor when I was getting her to sign some scholarship stuff for me. I went on this rambly tirade about how all I want in my stupid life is to be acknowledged and not be perpetually seen as my brother's sister, and how I apparently suck at everything I like to do, so why the HECK can't the universe stop taunting me? (not in those exact words.) And we had a little talk about how society places too much emphasis on accomplishments, and too little on people who are just there and do kind things. All of that. It comforted me, even though I wanted to be cynical and I still want to accomplish something MAJOR in the course of my life and be actually respected and envied and all that on a large scale. It's shallow and stupid, but God, I want that. Just once.
And man, that was obnoxiously melodramatic. It's such bull when they tell you high school's the best years of your life. It sucks beaucoup ass.
I digress. It seems as if tons of people at school have Diaryland journals. Because I'm a nosy broad, I want to look them up and get into some of their potentially twisted, grammatically incorrect psyches. I really do not need another online journal, but I'm nosy and may cave eventually.
And is it humanly possible to lose fifty pounds in three months? I really need to be at least a size 12 before prom and a size 10 before I start college. If only I could get braces too, I'd really actually have something to work with and I wouldn't be en route to another solo V-Day...
Oh yeah. I checked my GJ and someone left me this stupid private message: "I love degrassi...butt.....MANNY all the way hun." A.) Don't call me "hun". You are not Paige Michalchuck, HUN. B.) I really could care less if you think Manny is cool. C.) Don't EVER private message me any more of your stupid, grammatically horrid crap again.
I am in a really bad mood.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 07:59 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-02 08:03 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-02 08:15 pm (UTC)Maybe there's still hope for pop music.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 08:05 pm (UTC)you're gorgeous.
seriously, you are.
plus you're adorable and super nice.
2. being a size 12 wont make you any happier.
I'M a size 12. i'd like to be an 8. but its not happening. my body is built curvy.
no one is one hundred percent happy with the way they look.
and 3. i'm upset that you havent gotten to be on stage.
especially since you want it so badly,
i'm in drama, and i've seen SO many people who dont even want to be on stage, cast in plays.
i think they shouldnt even be able to try out
grrr >.>
Re:
Date: 2004-02-02 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-03 02:29 am (UTC)