enamoured | I don't believe in fairy tales anymore.

I had a series of really weird dreams last night. I think the biggest one was that I was going on a weekend long vacation to Australia, and I was saying goodbye to the girls from journalism--not like they really care about me. They're okay and all, but mostly it seems like they ignore me and would rather have me not talk to them.

Four years ago to the day, we were just pulling up into this driveway. I was fourteen. I didn't know what lay ahead of me. All I knew was that I'd miss North Carolina more than I'd ever know. And I was right. Anyway, seeing as this is a semi-momentus occasion for me, here's that thing people have been doing lately:

10 Experiences That Affected My Life

1. Starting school at Immaculata. I started school there in kindergarten in 1991, and went there through seventh grade in '99. So many of my memories occured there, and it was such a great place for me to grow up. Many of my classmates and I grew up together. I miss those days.
2. Meeting Katie. From kindergarten to seventh grade, Katie was my best friend. We met in kindergarten and we grew inseperable over the years, even when she moved thirty minutes away and went to a different school. We had a big drama-infested year in seventh grade and it tore us apart, but she's still special to me because we were friends for just so long.
3. Getting my first diary. I was in second grade and I saw this diary in a Troll book order--it had a picture of a kitten holding a teddy bear on it. I'd always wanted a diary, because older girls in movies and on TV shows had them, and I thought it'd make me instantly cool or something. So I got the diary, and I didn't keep it up. However, it set me up for writing in a journal later.
4. Getting my first journal. I read Harriet the Spy at the beginning of fourth grade, and I thought it'd be cool to have a notebook like Harriet's. So I got this little red pocket-sized Mead notebook at Revco (CVS back in the day), and I began writing and writing in it, not knowing that I'd be doing that nearly nine years later.
5. Katie moving away. This was really traumatizing. Katie moved from Durham to Cary, and didn't go to the same school. I was left to fend for myself, when she always defended me when people were cruel to me. This totally prepared me for the agonizing years when I'd move... ha.
6. The whole Kevin ordeal. I still don't know if he was my "first love". But whatever it was, I still remember it and hate it because it's screwed me up thus far.
7. The Michael ordeal. Really messed me up.
8. Meeting Christy. Oh God. I talk about her too much, but when I met her, I had no idea she'd be my best friend and she'd cause me so much more grief than Katie ever did.
9. Moving to Texas.
10. My whole big, nasty, suicidal phase in sophomore year. Cliffs Notes if you weren't friended then: I had a positively crappy sophomore year. It was so bad I cannot verbalize it. And from about January to July, I was contemplating getting it over with the entire time. Yeah. Fun times.
11. Junior year. It changed things for me. I wasn't as depressed as I was the first two years and I kind of started figuring myself out. I wasn't completely better, but better than I had been before.
12. Ending it with Christy. Possibly the most painful thing I've ever done. I'm still wondering if I really meant it, or if I'll ever truly be over it.

Regarding 8 and 12... I'll bet she doesn't remember... why do I wish she did?

It's times like this when I want my "voice within" icon.