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enamouredIt didn't hit me 'til I was coming home from graduation that I'm not going to see everyone in the same place probably ever again. It was the first time I actually started crying. Seriously. Okay, so I was crying a little when Josh said he'd miss me, but that's a little beyond the point...
I tried not to. I haven't known everyone in my class since we were little. All of my "known you since kindergarten/middle school" friends are back in the Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina area. They are the people I cherish so so much in my life, even though I haven't seen them in four years and I didn't get to "finish" growing up with them.
I moved down here and I hated it. All I wanted to do when I was a freshman and sophomore was to get my mom and dad to find a friend, a family member, SOMEBODY to let me stay with them so I could go back to NC and finish school with my then-best friend. But I didn't. I didn't ask because I knew it wasn't possible, and I didn't want to disappoint my parents, even though I wasn't as adjusted as I pretended to be. I hated the first two years of school. Freshman year was just crappy, then sophomore year was sheer hell for me. The fights with Christy, getting harassed on the bus, finding out that the person I had an unwavering crush on was gay... so much junk that year and that summer. I don't think I slept at all the summer before junior year. I was up so many nights crying and thinking about things I shouldn't have. I thought it'd get worse.
Honestly, the past two years were pretty good. Not great or "best years of your life" worthy, but good. Being a photographer, meeting lots of people who seemingly really like me, going out and DOING things and even stupid stuff, like movies and season 2 of American Idol. Then this year... yesterday had seemed so far away, even at the beginning of this past semester.
So now, part of me wonders what would've happened if I'd gone back to North Carolina junior year. I wouldn't have met so many people who I was cool with. I wonder if I would've been able to "save" my friendship with Christy, or if it would've ended less painfully than it did now. I'm glad I didn't go back, because I met some really great people here, and even if none of them became my "best friends", I'm still gonna miss them.
I'm going to stop now because I'm being a huge nerd and I'm crying and typing this. But one last thing: two people, besides my family members and my pastor and his wife, yelled, "CANDICE!" when I walked across the stage. I saw one: Christy A. The other person I didn't see.
(PS: LJ has been PMSy on my PC for like, a WEEK. What's up with this?!)
I tried not to. I haven't known everyone in my class since we were little. All of my "known you since kindergarten/middle school" friends are back in the Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina area. They are the people I cherish so so much in my life, even though I haven't seen them in four years and I didn't get to "finish" growing up with them.
I moved down here and I hated it. All I wanted to do when I was a freshman and sophomore was to get my mom and dad to find a friend, a family member, SOMEBODY to let me stay with them so I could go back to NC and finish school with my then-best friend. But I didn't. I didn't ask because I knew it wasn't possible, and I didn't want to disappoint my parents, even though I wasn't as adjusted as I pretended to be. I hated the first two years of school. Freshman year was just crappy, then sophomore year was sheer hell for me. The fights with Christy, getting harassed on the bus, finding out that the person I had an unwavering crush on was gay... so much junk that year and that summer. I don't think I slept at all the summer before junior year. I was up so many nights crying and thinking about things I shouldn't have. I thought it'd get worse.
Honestly, the past two years were pretty good. Not great or "best years of your life" worthy, but good. Being a photographer, meeting lots of people who seemingly really like me, going out and DOING things and even stupid stuff, like movies and season 2 of American Idol. Then this year... yesterday had seemed so far away, even at the beginning of this past semester.
So now, part of me wonders what would've happened if I'd gone back to North Carolina junior year. I wouldn't have met so many people who I was cool with. I wonder if I would've been able to "save" my friendship with Christy, or if it would've ended less painfully than it did now. I'm glad I didn't go back, because I met some really great people here, and even if none of them became my "best friends", I'm still gonna miss them.
I'm going to stop now because I'm being a huge nerd and I'm crying and typing this. But one last thing: two people, besides my family members and my pastor and his wife, yelled, "CANDICE!" when I walked across the stage. I saw one: Christy A. The other person I didn't see.
(PS: LJ has been PMSy on my PC for like, a WEEK. What's up with this?!)
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-28 03:22 pm (UTC)Congratulations!!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-28 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-28 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-29 04:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-29 04:53 am (UTC)But hey. It'll be good for my book!
In all seriousness, eventually you'll realize that there was a reason that things happened like they did--maybe the move, and separation from NC, was to make you learn about yourself? Or that you needed to learn to be Candice away from your comfort zone, so to speak?
But I'm just babbling freshman psych. So ignore me. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-29 07:08 am (UTC)