i tried to be like grace kelly

I wonder if I am going to be a bad potential filmmaker, because my view of movies tends to fall into the following range of things:

Is it funny?
Does it make me laugh/want to cry?
Does it make me think?
Does it look pretty?
Will I want to watch it again?
Will I want to watch it on a rainy day when there's nothing else to do?
Will I watch it if I'm flipping through the channels one day and see a clip of it?

If so: I like it.

There's a lot of movies that I like that are, admittedly, pretty ridiculous and/or stupid. Like, I can watch Rush Hour or Men in Black if nothing else is on, because they're my time-tested watchable movies that I might get a laugh out of now and then. Then there are the movies that I like and kind of forget that I like them until I watch them again, like The Great Escape, which fits my love of pulling off grand schemes in movies. There are the ones that I know I like because they are like movie equivalents of comfort food (see this list), the ones I like because of their ability to make me feel better whenever I watch them (Independence Day cheers me up without fail, Casanova--the one with Heath Ledger--makes me smiley, and I feel like this about every animated movie I watch and like). And then there are the ones I've pretty much loved from the first time I saw them and continue to love, and probably might always love (like Toy Story, Moulin Rouge, Out of Sight, and WALL-E).

I like movies that I may not neccesarily want to watch again, too, or ones that I can only watch about once a year because otherwise, I might go crazy (I like Seven, but it freaks me out in a most extreme way). I feel guilty about liking movies that movie critics pan, because I guess it feels like it makes me feel like I'm a step closer to liking movies that are really horrible/dumb/just plain bad. And sometimes I feel guilty for liking critically acclaimed movie, because it makes me wonder if I like the movie because it stands on its own merits or if it's just because everyone else liked it.

But mostly, I just wonder what my current list of favorite movies says about me, or what kind of movies I could, in theory, someday make.

But I guess in the end, to me, a good movie is the kind when you leave the theater with a smile on your face and the desire to walk back in and watch it again.

Oh dear God. I have only a few weeks to work out a payment plan/do more scholarship work so that I can pay for UT. It is in moments like this when I get scared and think, "I should've just gotten an associates degree in something and tried to walk from there", except that these days, one can't do much with an associates.

I feel so screwed. I don't even know where to begin. I've got Fastweb at my dispensal, but I don't even know where to start with grants or anything. My job offers some financial aid and I'm going to transfer to the store in Austin when the time comes, but it won't be nearly enough for what I need.

Any advice, anyone?

In less panicky news: I saw three men in kilts at work on Sunday. It was kind of surreal, mostly because I worked from ten to five and I was still a bit drowsy when the first guy came by. I was like, "...huh." There was some kind of Scottish festival in town, though, so that explains a lot.

I've been trying to write and rewrite a note to Blonde Bond, but everything comes out wrong. How do you tell someone that you miss them without seeming despondently desperate?

I don't know if I want to be a journalist of any kind any more.

All I know is that I'm deeply interested in what makes people tick, generation theory (when is the cutoff for Generation X/Y? What's the generation that my eleven year old cousins--God, they're eleven already, I can remember when they were babies--belong to called?), traveling (I secretly want to be on one of those travel shows), and pop culture. I can't think of any careers that would allow me to deal with all of those things.

I want to do something with my life that is fun, fufilling, helps people, and that I'd love to do. But I can't decide what and I don't know how to go about doing it.